


In the End

by wantutri46



Category: Keyakizaka46 (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-22 20:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19988596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantutri46/pseuds/wantutri46
Summary: "And time will come that you'll gonna miss the love I have for you, you'll gonna miss everything about me. And when that time comes, i already forget about you."





	In the End

"And time will come that you'll gonna miss the love I have for you, you'll gonna miss everything about me. And when that time comes, i already forget about you."  
\---

Nagahama Neru is finally hers.

The feelings she hide and the words she wanted to say, she can finally show all of it. Neru finally accepted her feelings and she never been so happy like this, the eight years she waited is worth it.

She places her chin above her palm and watches dreamily to her girlfriend who's in the kitchen and taking care of their dinner. She can feel her cheeks burning from the imagination that popping inside her head. She look better, Neru look much better to be a wife. 

To be her wife exactly.

"What are you giggling there, Miss Hirate?" She heard her soft voice and it wakes her up to reality. There's no way she can tell it to Neru, she doesn't want her to teases her. "Are you dreaming of me again?" 

A chuckle escape from her eyes and try her best to hide her burning cheeks. How she found it so easily? 

"Ah, no." She answered that made Neru eyebrow rose and pout her lump pinkish lips. Hirate thought, it's cute. "I just remember something funny." 

She offered her a slight smile then lower her head to pay her attention to her homework. She giggle when she heard Neru puffed and walk towards behind her.

Bliss erupt inside her chest when Neru places her chin above her shoulder, bent over as the Nagasaki born wrapped her arms around her shoulder. Eyes peeking to Hirate notebook. "Hmm, just make sure that I am the only girl you are thinking Yurina."

Hirate bite her bottom lips, her free hand reached to the back to cupped Neru neck. Something that she can't stop herself is to kiss Neru whenever she's near to her. She gently pressed her lips to Neru and momentarily lost at the sweetness. Neru even tightly wrapped her arms to deepen the kisses. 

Hirate pulled it before she completely lost, almost whining at the lost of contact. "Don't joke around, you know you are the only girl I want." 

Neru chuckle as she snuggle closer to Hirate soft cheek and watches her girlfriend scribble down notes from the book. She hugged her one last time, tighter that Hirate feel almost suffocating. After that, she separated from her to prepare their food.

"Neru.." 

Neru turned around her head before she even reached the sink. "Hmm?" 

Hirate sincerely smile as she softly let the words escape her mouth. "I love you so much, Neru."

Neru stare at her first before she pulled a sweeter smile and nodded. Hirate never heard Neru respond to her every i love you. There's a point that she wonder why, questions stick to her mind but all of that faded and her worries dissapear as she felt stronger the actions from Neru. She can really feel that Neru felt the same way to her, she can really feel that she loves her as much as she do. 

She almost believe that.   
\----

One year has passed since they became official.

Neru is her first girlfriend and the only woman she want. Neru doesn't have any idea how she changed Hirate life when she accepted her feelings. She put colours to her dull world, she play music that Hirate only first time to hear and happiness that no one can replace. Neru is everything for her. 

Hirate realizes that her eight years friendship with Neru is not really enough to say that she really knew her because she surprisingly learned many things from her that only came out now. Like Neru is really clingy, she wants all of her attention, very jealous and a seductress.

All of it became a reason why their relationship become stronger as times passes and also some were a reason of their petty fights. 

They even promised to that they will live together when they finish their college. Most of the days, they were sincerely happy with each other arms. And that's what Hirate thought. 

A big party was held to their closest friend inviting all of their batchmates, celebrating the championship of their baseball school team. They knew what kind of party it is, Hirate can already hear the loud noise banging from the house as she parked her car 20 meters away from it.

"Hey, have you seen Neru?" She asked Nanako that offering her a drink but she politely refused it. 

"Hmm," the tipsy Nanako tilt her head like thinking. "I think I saw her in that hallway with Ozeki and Uemura." 

Hirate said her thanks, tapping her shoulder as she start to find her girlfriend from this crowd. Yuuka house is big, it has many hallways and doors that she doesn't know what's inside of it. A great interior design and the furnitures look expensive. 

She couldn't calm herself anymore after seeing Neru with Risao talking in the corner two hours ago. She was about to walk towards them but stopped when Oda and Habu pulled her to joined them to dances on the floor. They were just normally talking like a friends but she couldn't understand why it's bothering her. She quickly erases the thoughts that popping from her mind, telling herself that she trust Neru the most.

She finally reached to the hallway that Nanako pointed. There's only a few people here and scanning the hallway, Hirate think that it's the washroom area. She turn to the right corner seeing a slight open door. Her face lit up when she heard Neru voice inside the door, she is about to walk in but her legs froze after she heard the next sentence.

"Do you really love Hirate?" 

It's only a question and she knew Neru going to answer it in her favor but her chest clenching painfully?

The seconds that running were painfully for Hirate but she's still expecting her to answer the words she wanted to hear but her world ripped apart hearing the next sentence from Ozeki.

"It's still Risao, right?" 

She can't feel anything except her chest tightening. She want to run or walk away so she can't hear Neru answer but she ambivalent about it. Her fist curling as she wait for Neru.

"It's no--" 

"Then why can't you answer earlier about Hirate?"

"Be--because i--i kn--"

"You are stuttering Neru." Ozeki voice echoed to the room. "Just answer it, you are not the only one who's going to be hurt soon. Hirate will be in pain the most." 

Then a long silence stayed in the room and followed by Neru series of tears, lowly sniffing then her words finally tear Hirate heart into pieces.

"I can't stop thinking about him, I always remember all our memories, the feelings, all of it I can't stop. I knew it's wrong but the moment he talked to me ealier, all of it came back. I don't know why."

Hirate back fell silently to the wall, gazes boring on the floor as she decides to stay a minute to hear it all. She doesn't know if she's masochist but she want to hear all of it. 

"And what about Yurina? Did you use her to forget Risao?" Uemura asked, Neru sobs became slightly loud. Enough answer that make Hirate completely numb. 

She heard Ozeki groaned, "Neru, just what are you thinking? She really loves you more than Risao did. Tell me, did you ever love her?"

"I did of course, I care about her so much but I can't respond to her love because I feel guilty. I can't reply to her knowing I'm thinking someone else which it should be her. I'm a bad person Ozeki, i'm worst."

Uemura said in a caring tone. "Neru, figure out your feelings before everything become too late."

Hirate decided to left with a blank mind and numb heart. She's wondering why she can't feel anything where it she should be bawling now in the wall? But none, maybe because it's too much that she went numb. She doesn't know where she should head and what her mind decide to do after hearing all of it from Neru.

Then what I am to you Neru? What are those year we spent together?

As she walks, she saw her other friends gathering to the pool and having fun. Yuuka called her so she went towards them. She want to join them and have fun but all of her mood already shattered. She can't even bring herself to smile or be genuinely happy. 

But the moment Neru and others joined them and their eyes met, Hirate knew she can't leave this girl. So without thinking, she stands up from her seat and walk towards Neru, embracing her body in the middle that make all of their friends squealed in jealous.

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you." Hirate said, putting her best to smile wider and swallowed the fear that building inside her body. She pulled away to have a look at Neru face.

It's obvious that she cried. Neru giggle slightly, snaking her arms around Hirate waist as she smile sweetly. "I'm sorry, I am just with Ozeki and Uemura." 

Hirate eyes then turn to the pair behind Neru and she couldn't deny that their eyes meant something. She shook away it and then focus to the girl infront of her. 

"That's fine but next time tell me where are you going." Neru nodded cutely, leaning her head against her chest. 

Hirate return the warmth, tighter. Then she wonder if what Neru showing is sincere or just part of her act? She doesn't know, she doesn't want to even know because Hirate finally decided.

Even though she learned Neru inner feelings, she can't let her go. The thought of being separated with her is enough to kill her so she decided to buried it all to her mind. 

She lift her gazes and surprisingly meet Risao eyes away from them, her embraces to Neru get tighter as she and Risao stare sternly. 

I can't let her go.  
\---

Hirate never open what she learned to anyone even to her bestfriend, Yonetani. She doesn't want anyone to think badly to Neru because she knew, Neru is not really a bad person. So decided to keep it which didn't help because her nights didn't go well, she keep dreaming about it, she keep thinking about it and it's scaring her the most. 

Since then, she become clingy to Neru, become sweeter and giving all her effort to hope that Neru can finally forget Risao. And she keep worrying if she really did make her happy this day or will she going to make her happy the next day and so on.

She thought too much love and effort are the answer but she's wrong, Neru prove her wrong. And this is the day that Hirate really felt her heart died. 

She came to school sick, burning in fever and feeling her world spinning but she still came because of her exam. 

"Are you killing yourself Yurina?" She chuckle when Yonetani scolded her through the phone. "Why do you need to go to Neru house when you are sick, just ask her to come to your house."

Hirate unconsciously shake her head, starting the engine of her car. "No, she's busy studying."

"You will be a burden to her." 

"No, Neru won't think of me that way. She will even take care of me and I want that."

Yonetani let out a sound like she's vomiting and said in disgust. "Gosh you are so inlove." 

After they teased each other, Hirate hung up the phone and focus on driving to Neru house. She glances to her side and smile to see a box of chocolate cake and a small bouquet of tulips that she bought for Neru. She can't stop grinning and excited to see what will be Neru reaction. 

She's now starting to worry when Neru didn't answering her calls. Just what happen to her? Maybe she's still studying that's why she stop and just focus to surprise her girlfriend. 

She arrived her place and only to squint her eyes when spotted a familiar car in front of Neru apartment. Now she can feel her heart drumming against her ribs, not really like what's heading and she hope she's wrong. 

The moment she lay her foot on the ground, she felt her head throbbing in pain but she set it aside. She want to know what's she's thinking is wrong, that Risao is not inside her house.

She slowly walk towards the door and fish out her own keys of Neru apartment, with a trembling hand she open the door only for her world to shattered in pieces to what she see. 

Risao pinned Neru in the wall, her hands wrapped around his neck and they are in the middle of kissing. The scene is enough for her to feel painfully numb again.

Why?

"Yu--yurina?" 

It didn't take long for them to notice her presence that staring at them blankly, empty and dull. Their faces turned bloodless, horrified especially Neru who don't know what she's going to say or to do. Silence envelope them as Hirate eyes only boring to Neru until she break it by letting a long dissapointed sighed.

She turned her back to them, running to her speed to somehow escape the scene. She heard Neru voice calling for her but she ignore it, she just want to get out of here. And when she reached her car, she open the other door to get the things she brought and it's exact the moment that Neru and Risao already in her front. 

Neru is crying and this is the first time she doesn't want to wipe those damn tears.

"Yurina, please let me explain." Neru said sobbing then her eyes set to the flowers and cake that Hirate holding, she gasps when Hirate suddenly throw it to the ground and repeatedly kick it. 

"Yu--yurina please, stop." 

After kicking it many times, she stooped and heaved a deep sighed. She run to her car without turning her head to them, she want to completely ignore them. Neru keep calling her , pleading her to hear her but she ignore it as she get inside her car.

She ignored them as she rolled the wheels and with a last glimpse, her heart ripped to saw Neru crying. 

She can't cry, she can't feel anything. She guess she just died.  
\---

She spent her three days on the bed, sleeping and staring blankly to the ceiling. Turning her phone off and strictly told Yonetani not to let anyone even Neru visit her. Yonetani havent no idea what happened but she had a slightes idea what is the reason when Hirate came back that day, completely different as if her soul steal by someone.She just want to be alone. 

She doesn't have any appetite, nor the feelings that she wanted to do something. She didn't even attend her classes, it just came that she doesn't care about her surrounding anymore. She just want to lay and forget the nightmare that keep haunting her. 

But a day came where she opened her eyes, Neru beautiful face appeared before her. She blink twice to see if she's really there lying beside her, she then look to the clock on the wall and it reads 7:43 pm. 

She groaned when she decide to sat up and felt her head throb in pain. Massaging her temple, her eyes set to Neru bare legs. Neru wearing a one piece dress that flaunting her milky white tone skin, Hirate throat become dry. Her eyes traces to her neck that looks inviting then up to her plump pinkish lips. Somehow, she missed it.

And it didn't take long when Neru opened her eyes, jolted to see Hirate starting at her sleep. She frantically sat up.

"You are now awake, are you hu--" she was cut off when Hirate pushes her back to the bed, hands pinning her waist and hover above her. Neru felt fear risen inside her when she saw Hirate darkened and empty eyes. 

"Let's have sex." 

Neru surprised to the words from Hirate mouth, she gasps when Hirate claimed her lips agressively. Neru groaned when Hirate bite her bottom lips, forcefully inserting her tounge inside her.

She writhe her head to avoid her lips, her hands pushing her chest but Yurina is strong to pinned her easily below. This is not the gentle, sweet and slow Hirate she knew everytime she kiss her, the girl in front of her look completely another person. She is rough, aggressive, her eyes were darkened with lust. 

"Yurina stop!" She screamed at her the moment Hirate break the kiss and switch to her neck. "I said stop!" 

She became deaf and let herself drowned to her own desire. Her hand swiftly move to caress Neru legs an that's where Neru pushes her with all force.

"I said stop!" 

Neru is already crying, covering her chest by her arms as she sobbed loudly. And to her utter surprise, Hirate only smirked. 

"So you only want Risao to have you? That's unfair Neru." Hirate darkly chuckle and that scare Neru but mostly hurt to see Hirate like this. She scoot to the headboard when Hirate leaned closer to her. "Come on, I can do better than him. I can make you scream louder, I can satisfy you even with my fingers only." 

Neru raises her hand and her palm hit Hirate cheeks that bring sting to her. Both of them get stunned at the sudden action but Hirate slowly pulled a smirked and that makes Neru cry even more.

"That's a shame, Neru." Hirate chuckle as she climbed down the bed. 

"What is happening to you Yurina?" 

What she said hit a nerves to Hirate. "Shouldn't you be the one who answer it? What the hell you did to me? I guess you can answer it, you are smart anyway." She said sarcastically, the grinned didn't fade from her face. Neru heart squeezing at the sight of it, she never used to see her eyes scowling at her. 

As Hirate turn her back to her, her hand clutch to her cheek. It's hurt but nothing more in pain than to her heart right now. She want to apologized to her for her rude behavior earlier but her mind filled with hate, pain that she hope Neru will just leave her for now. 

She grabbed a clean t-shirt and head straight to the kitchen, almost ignoring Neru existence inside her room. 

"Yurina," she then heard her voice behind her. "I'm here to explain, I'm here to--" 

"What?" Hirate voice were dead and flat, Neru nearly step back when she saw her eyes bearing emptiness. "Are you going to explain to me that used me? That you can't still move on from Risao? That you still love him?" 

Surprised written to Neru face that she momentarily can't find her tounge, she lost for words and eyes wavering at her. Hirate only smirk and walk passes her.

"Oh, I'm sorry that I heard your conversation with your friends. I didn't mean to, it's by accident actually and so stupid of me to pretend that I didn't hear any bullshit." 

Neru knees weakened, hands trembling as she clasps it to her mouth and middle her own sobs. She feel so worst realizing all of it. So it means, Hirate knew it all along and still didn't confront her. She's been hurting her a long time and still Hirate didn't say anything.

"Yurina, please listen to me." She try to move forward to where Hirate standing, reaching her hand to touch her but she stop it. She's scared. "I hurted you--" 

"No," Hirate eyes were dead, containing hatred to her and looking at her as if she's a piece of trash. "You didn't hurted me, you killed me."

She pursed her lips. "Yurina I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry. I'm really worst, it's all my fault but believe me, I really care for you--" 

Hirate bitterly smiled. "You care for me but you don't love me. You know what, since I heard that I've been wondering if all you showed or showing are really sincere or just another part of your moving on?" 

Neru curled her eyebrows, holding her shoulder to face her. "No, it was all sincere. I really care about you Yurina and everyone knows that!" 

Hirate eyebrows meet in the middle as she also raises her voice. "If you really care about me then why did you fucking do this to me? I can't avoid to think that way, because from the start you really used me Neru! You used me!" 

Silence gnawed them after Hirate snapped at her. Only their breathing and sobs will be heard in the four corner of the room until Hirate soft voice break it.

"You--you never love me in the first place," Hirate voice were full of pain, sadness. "What hurted me the most is I thought you were mine, I thought you finally look in my way but no, and even I knew it I still act as if I didn't know anything. Trying my damn best so you can finally forget him but still, you still love him. You still want him."

Hirate lift her gazes to Neru. "You should tell me everything Neru, the truth because I don't deserve to be treated like this."

Neru faves were tainted with tears, face burning in red. She raises her hand to her hair to brush it, doesn't know where she should start but Hirate is right. She deserve to know the truth, she doesn't deserve to be treated like this.

"I still love him," 

Four words that strongly stabbed Hirate, the most painful truth that clenching her chest painfully. Neru voice were soft and gentle but for her, It feels sting. 

"Yes, I used you and thinking I could forget him using you and worst of me to use my own bestfriend. I couldn't forget him, he's the one im still searching, the one I still want." Neru sobs grew louder, hurting both of them. "I'm so sorry Yurina, I'm really sorry." 

Hirate gazes fell on her own feet, she wanted to ask one more thing but she's scared to know another truth that will finally kill her. 

Hirate only nodded, "Thank you. Let's go, I will send you home." 

She wanted to ask, Did you ever love me?  
\--- 

Her cries were echoing through the entire trip to her apartment. Hirate can't hear anything though, many emotions flooded her that she ended up numb and dull. After fifteen minutes of drive they finally reached her home, Hirate spotted Risao standing in front of Neru apartment. 

Hirate heaved a deep sighed, grabbing her wheels as her eyes straightly set to the window. "Can I say few things?" She felt Neru head turn to her through her peripheral vision, so she continue.

"We can't be friends anymore." Hirate didn't glances to her, her voice were tainted with bitterness and pain. "The moment we decided to put our relationship to this is the moment we threw our 8 years friendship." 

She swallowed thickly, "I'm not resenting you but I think it's better between us to forget each other. To forget the painful, happiness, special memories."

"Let's treat each other as stranger." Hirate chuckle painfully, heaving a deep breathe. "Let's think that this never happen, that nothing happened from the start." 

Hirate decides to turn her head to Neru, slowly her hand reaching for her cheeks that tainted with dry and wet tears. Neru bite her bottom lips, crying her heart out. She run her thumb to her cheeks gently. 

"I also want you to think that no one will gonna wipe your tears like this, that there's no one like me that will always be beside you. And time will come that you'll gonna miss the love I have for you, you'll gonna miss everything about me. And when that time comes, i already forget about you." 

"So tell Risao to never let you cry again because no one will gonna wipe your tears beside him." 

Neru hand grab hers that still on her cheek, squeezing it softly as she nodded. "I'm so sorry." 

Hirate only smiled as she pulled her hand back, looking outside the window and saw Risao already looking at their direction. "Risao is waiting for you." 

Neru nodded again, opening the door and step her foot outside and strangely felt her chest heavy. Hirate watches her as Neru slowly walk away and go to Risao. She watches Risao quickly grabbed Neru body and embraces her which Neru returned. Later, Hirate decided to start the engine and rolled the wheels without turning her head back. 

She parked the car in front of her apartment and that is the time she finally burst out crying. Because the longer she hold on to this, the more she will suffer. This is the first time she let her tears since everything fall apart, since she learned that Neru never love her. 

She want to scream in pain, her heart feel like someone ripping it that making her crazy. She punched the headboard and weakly leaned her forehead against the wheels. Then all of a sudden, she heard a series of frantic knock to her window. She lift her gazes to see Yonetani and Shiori worried faces. She quickly opened the door and approach by Yonetani embraces. 

"Yurina, cry it out. Just cry." 

And she obliged, she cry to their shoulders and hoping she can stop the pain that Neru inflicted to her. 

In the end, Neru never really become hers.  
\---

It came to Hirate Yurina that loving and caring to someone feels really tiring and feel stupid. No matter how you give everything to them, they are still going to hurt you and leaving you thinking what went wrong, leaving you depress and devastated. 

She expect that it will be difficult to her side to avoid everything related to Neru and pretend that she doesn't exist. But she's trying though it's difficult. By also the help of her friends, she think it'd be possible to forget her. 

She should be in her room locked herself out from the world but she's on the restaurant, sitting and waiting for someone. It's Yonetani plan, she forcefully and plead her to meet someone and hopefully unwind and somehow forget the problems for a while. 

Also it's been two years since she locked herself from the people, built a strong walls from them and maybe, she should take that request from her bestfriend. After all, she felt numb all those years, she slightly wanted to feel anything. 

She's been waiting for half of hour since the said time and the person that Yonetani told her still hasn't come. If the clock tick at 8 then she should go home, she's wasting her time here.

"Excuse me?" 

She lift her gazes and meet by pair of brown orbs. "Are you Hirate Yurina?"

She pursed her lips first before she nodded. The girl in red dress, long hair cascading to her shoulder widely smiled at her, stretching her hand to her and asking for handshake.

"I'm Kakizaki Memi, I'm sorry I'm late." 

\----

A/N: Share your thoughts eh! 💚

**Author's Note:**

> the sequel of comfort


End file.
